The most powerful networkers I have met have learned the art of genuinely helping others. This art is called many things; in Business Network International (“BNI”) they call it “givers gain.” This is a very important concept if you truly want to get the most out of networking and day-to-day living. While helping others is an obvious key to success, many networkers are not very conscious about how well they maintain the ratio between their giving and receiving. Many are downright selfish.
Problem Getting Referrals
Recently one of my clients, a lawyer, complained that the firm was getting little from participating in the Greater Miami Chamber of Commerce. To protect the innocent, let’s call this person George. George went to most of the networking events every month and served on a committee related to his practice area. He is a nice person, has over 20 years in his field, and is one of the best in his area of specialty. So he cannot understand why he has not received any leads or referrals from the Chamber.
In Order to Receive You Must Also Give
What George failed to see is that he has been selfish. When discussing this issue, I asked George the last time he gave a referral to any of the people he’d met. I asked how often he went out of his way for people at the Chamber when he had nothing to gain. I asked for a list of the remarkable things he did for the Chamber in the last 12 months? At first, his response was silence; then, he gave excuses. He told me how many hours he worked, that he did not meet the right types of people to give good referrals that he is not comfortable with referring people he does not know well, and some other weak answers.
How Many Referrals Have You Given Out
Actually, since I was his coach, I had gotten to know George well over the previous 6 months. He was someone to whom I had given several referrals, introduced to a lot of people, and for whom I went out of my way. In all that time, George had never done anything for me. I watched others also go out of their way for George and experience the same lack of reciprocity. It was obvious to all that George is a taker. Takers like George will get business once in while because they are good at what they do. However, after a while you get a reputation as a taker, and those opportunities lessen.
Why You Should Change Your Ways
For those of you who are not already genuinely helping others on a regular basis, let’s discuss the main reason why you should change your ways. In Maximum Influence: The 12 Universal Laws of Persuasion by Kurt W. Mortensen, one of the 12 laws is the Law of Obligation. The Law of Obligation, also known as “reciprocity,” states that when others do something for us, we feel a strong need, even a push, to return the favor. Returning the favor rids us of the obligation created by the first good deed.
One Good Turn Deserves Another
The adage “one good turn deserves another” seems to be part of the social structure in every culture. Well, this applies to business as well as our personal lives. I believe in “striking first” for as many people as possible and having a reputation as someone who helps a lot of people. Have you ever noticed that people who have a track record of helping a lot of people have no problem getting doors opened for them and have a lot of business?
Becoming a “Giver”
Becoming a “giver” is not only easy, it is actually fun. Here are some ways to become a better giver:
- Become a leader in every organization you join.
- Whenever you meet new people, find out what their hobbies are; who they need to meet; what their professional goals are; what challenges they are facing; what charitable causes get them excited. Learn about their families and anything else you can. Make note of it.
- Seek out new people and help them meet others who may be helpful to them. This helps them feel more comfortable, you make a new friend, and usually there are mutually beneficial connections, so now at least 3 people are happy.
- I have a goal of trying to match at least 10 people per week. That requires that I keep good track of the information I gather in step 2 and stay in touch with my contact list.
- Actively look for opportunities to help people. Opportunities to connect take many forms, so you have to keep your mind wide-open. The following are some of the reasons you may connect people: potential business partners, job candidates, vendors, referral sources, and knowledge-sharing.
Helping Others Is Good Business
In the end, being a great networker is directly linked to being fanatical about helping others. When you are good at one, you are good at the other, and when you are bad at one, you are bad at the other. Helping others is not only the right thing to do, it is good business.
Review our website at activategroupinc.com to understand how an executive coach or business coach can help you increase the success of your career and business, or contact Howard Shore at (305) 722-7213 or [email protected].